I Want A Doctor That Bowls

I’m like most people – maybe even just like you (except I’m better looking). I hate going to the doctor. I realize that this feeling does not make me unique – on the contrary, this bandwagon is squatting under the weight (literally) of those who have hopped on. But I believe I may have a solution! Bear with me for a moment.

The main reason we all hate going to the doctor (other than the probing blue-gloved hand and the needles) is that our doctors always take the opportunity to tell us that the number our scales spits at us every morning is too high. Now, I believe that this irrational “fear” of large numbers on the part of our physicians comes about from the fact that most doctors play golf – a game where the player spends a significant amount of time and money trying to avoid large numbers. Don’t get ahead of me – I’m just about to show some genius.

Now, consider this…if your doctor bowled instead of playing golf, he’d be enthused about those higher numbers (possibly confused if they top 300, but I’m working on that). No more nagging about dieting, getting the weight down, lowering the body-mass index and all those other things that smell of carrot sticks and celery. Instead, order a pizza and throw heavy round objects (no, you may not throw me).

Why am I burning precious thought energy on such an interesting hypothesis, you ask? Check-up time is not far off. Based on the last unofficial weighing, I have a feeling that a diet is in my future unless I can somehow stack the deck in my favor. Now I just have to figure out what to do about the blue glove and the needles.